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Suggestions Wanted

records stacked on top of a turntable

I want to start doing write-ups of albums in the next few weeks. I’ve already got the first one slated for right after New Years, but I can always use some suggestions.

I hesitate to use the term “review”, because in my mind, that conjures up images of stale industry terminology and writing for some incentive. That’s not what I’m going to be doing. I’m writing about music because it makes me feel something. That’s really it.

In addition to album recommendations, if there’s a particular music service (online) that you think is pretty stellar, let me know. I’m considering a paid Rdio membership, but in the meantime, I’m using Grooveshark, Bandcamp, and the “new” Myspace.

Leave your suggestions in the comments, or shoot me an “Ask” on Tumblr.

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Talking About Tragedy

[Image: Michelle McLoughlin/Reuters]

[Image: Michelle McLoughlin/Reuters]

Thinking about the events that occurred in Newtown, CT today, less than 75 miles from my home, I can barely begin to articulate the complex emotions I’ve experienced.
We’re just starting to piece together the facts about this tragedy.
I think it will be awhile before we, as a collective whole, emerge from the emotional shock that has left most of us simultaneously numb and reeling.

One thing I can say for certain, though, is this:
Now is not the time to let this go.

Many have suggested that there needs to be a “cooling off” period.
That it’s somehow disrespectful to engage in a national discourse about some of the root issues behind this atrocity while people are grieving.

I used to agree.

I used to think that those of us not immediately impacted by tragic events needed to stand back; to abandon conversations about the larger issues in order to reflect on the lives lost in a reverent silence.

Now, I think otherwise.

Now, I believe that in order to demonstrate respect and consideration for the lives lost to unfathomable violence, we must  carry on these conversations. We cannot wait.

Here’s why:

We waited after Columbine…and three months later, there was another shooting. 12 people were killed in Atlanta. We waited again, and another two months later, seven people were killed in Ft. Worth.

In the past two years alone, there have been 11 mass shootings. Let that sink in for a minute.

  • January 8, 2011: 6 killed, 19 total shot in Tucson, AZ
  • September 6, 2011: 5 killed, 12 total shot in Carson City, NV
  • April 2, 2012: 7 killed in Oakland, CA
  • April 6, 2012: 3 killed, 5 total shot in Tulsa, OK
  • May 29, 2012: 5 killed in Seattle, WA
  • July 20, 2012: 12 killed, 58 wounded in Aurora, CO
  • August 5, 2012: 6 killed, 4 others wounded in Oak Creek, WI
  • September 27, 2012: 5 shot, 3 others wounded in Minneapolis, MN
  • December 11, 2012: 2 killed in Clackamas Town Center, OR
  • December 14,2012: at least 27 killed in Newtown, CT

Looking at this list, it’s apparent (to me, at least) that we don’t have TIME to wait. Not if we want to avoid further tragedy. Not if we want to protect human lives

I’m not just talking about gun control, either. We need to look at the big picture, and figure out WHY people are killing in the first place, not just HOW they’re doing it.

Gun regulation/control reform may be one element, but honestly, it’s like trying to dam up a raging river with a box of toothpicks. (I was going to use the bandaid metaphor, but I can’t even bring myself to use that sort of imagery right now.) We need to be looking at comprehensive healthcare reform as well, allowing for increased access to mental health services. We need to implement some sort of support for the people who need it. Our entire society could probably use some sort of overhaul, because we’re obviously missing some important warning signs.

This isn’t about political posturing. This isn’t about furthering personal interests. This is about preserving human life and well-being. Without that, what the hell does anything else even matter?

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On Playing Hard to Get

hard-to-get

I’m the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve.
I’ve been the one to initiate just about every one of my romantic relationships.
Any time I’ve found myself with more than just a passing interest in someone, I’ve made sure they knew it.
As in, I flat out told them, “I like you. I want you. “

Which is why I find it so perplexing and frustrating that guys continue to act like I don’t really know what I want…that I somehow need them to “convince” me…
I don’t understand when I tell a guy “sorry, I’d like to be your friend, but I’m not interested in anything else”, and they second-guess me…or worse, they get angry with me over it. (Oh, gee…I want to be your friend. How insulting!)

On a related note, I’ve had numerous people impart the “wisdom” that a woman should play “hard to get”.
That it’s important to marry someone who loves you more than you love them.
That even if you’re not interested, a person still “deserves” a chance.

I’ll admit, I’ve questioned myself a few times.
I put myself out there, and I love hard…and of course, there have been times when I’ve gotten burned.
Sometimes I wonder if I’d be better off holding back…
But I can’t bring myself to do it.
I don’t play those kinds of games.
It seems wrong for me to withhold my love…to try and coax someone into “fighting” for me.
(I’m cringing just writing those words. Ugh!)
It would be inauthentic. And that’s not who I am.
So you can imagine how thrilled I was to read “Why I Never Play Hard to Get” by Rachel Kay Albers.

“When we send the message that resistance is a form of flirtation—a strategic move in the game of love—we romanticize the imposition of one human being’s will on another. The building block of violence. By looking at love and sex as a game, a chase, a fight, we give violence our social permission, cultivate a rape culture, and throw consent out with the bathwater. If, as Rhiannon says “I don’t know means No. I’m drunk means No. Maybe means No. I don’t seem into it means No,” then that should apply to every aspect of the dating experience. Hard To Get and No Means No don’t—can’t—exist together. One lives in a world of conquest and the other of communication. And if you say No when you mean Yes or infer Yes from another person’s No, I’d say you’re not really communicating.”

I could have written these words. I feel like I’ve been waiting forever to hear someone else say what I’ve been thinking all along. As important as it is for us to get this message out to those “nice guys” who trick themselves into thinking they’re doing something “noble” by being “persistent”, it’s just as important (if not more so) to offer validation to the people who are honest, who actually say what they mean and yet still end up enduring the onslaught of unwanted attention. Those whose thoughts and feelings are dismissed on a regular basis in the interest of perpetuating the conquest myth.

Women aren’t delicate flowers incapable of interpreting and communicating what we want. We start out as babies, conveying what we want and need loudly and clearly…both the boys and girls. It’s only later on, after we’ve had it drilled into our heads that it’s “not nice” to turn someone down because we might hurt their feelings…after we’ve met with too much aggression or been dubbed a “frigid bitch” one too many times, or called a “slut” for being open and forward about what we want that we start to shut down. I know I’ve been guilty of offering up silence and a diverted gaze because I was too exhausted to try and argue.

I can’t imagine a more perfect disclaimer than the one Albers offers here:

“No, I don’t play hard to get. If I like you, you’ll know it. If I don’t like you, you’ll really know it. And if you decide to cross a line despite my big, hand-painted “No Trespassing” sign, we’ve got a problem.”

How’s that for loud and clear?

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Gratitude

give-thanks

These are a few of the things I’m most grateful for today, and every day (in no particular order):

  • My general health, which continues to improve by leaps and bounds
  • A roof over my head, with space for my things, where I can pretty much do what I want without having to be accountable to anyone else
  • Work that allows me to hone my skills (and pay my bills)
  • My best friend, who manages the delicate task of supporting me while continually challenging me to be the best possible version of myself like a pro. You’ve taught me so much, and you inspire me on a daily basis. Thank you for your unyielding patience. I love you.
  • A colorful cast of close friends who are like family. I don’t see you guys often enough (and some of you I don’t see at all!), but it’s nice knowing you’re just an IM/text/phone call away. I don’t know where I’d be without the pow wows, word association sessions, and endless inside jokes. Thank you for the unconditional love, support, and the occasional (much-needed) doses of craziness. Love.
  • Living in one of the best places in the world, with the ability to see the beauty and promise it holds.
  • MTG, and the way it brings people together (yes, I’m serious).
  • Perspective, and my ability to see how even the “bad” things can have positive results
  • Florrie, my chinchilla, who keeps me on my toes.
  • The power of the written word.
  • The availability of information, and my ability to learn.
  • Music.
  • Simple pleasures (mocha latte, I’m looking at you).
  • My relative freedom
  • Those who continue to look beyond themselves, fighting the good fight every day to ensure that others may experience the same rights, freedoms, and comforts that they do
  • The legacies of my ancestors
  • The benevolence of strangers
  • The possibilities of the future

There are probably a million other things not listed here…this is just a start.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. What are you thankful for?

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National Hunger and Homeless Awareness Week

homeless

November 10-18 is National Hunger and Homeless  Awareness Week.  The purpose of this week is to raise awareness of our national plight of poverty and homelessness in the United States, and to come together as communities to donate time, money, and resources that can be used toward eradicating these issues.

Poverty By the Numbers

  • 700,000:The approximate number of people experiencing homelessness on any given night in the United States
  • 770,000: The number of homeless students registered by the US Dept. of Education
  • 67,495: The number of homeless war veterans in the United States
  • 1 in 6: The number of families living below the poverty line in the United States
  • 3 out of 4: The number of states that saw an increase both in the number and percentage of people living in poverty
  • 50 million: The number of Americans living in food insecure households

How to Help

CARE:

Contribute: Give to local organizations helping the less fortunate in your community. Some of the most-needed donations include:

  • Time (volunteer work)
  • Money (The most flexible donation type, financial donations can be used where they are most needed, whether it’s to buy food and clothing, to pay for transportation needs, or to cover basic costs.)
  • Services and Materials (copying, printing, food, transportation services, marketing services, electrical work, plumbing, etc. If you have a business, consider donating a portion of your services. Charitable donations are tax-deductible, and in addition to helping the community, your generosity may also help to  boost your own business.)
  • Household goods (utensils, paper goods, toiletries, etc.)
  • Clothing

Advocate:Advocacy is critical to creating the systemic changes required to end poverty and homelessness. A few things you can do:

  • Follow local politics:  Attend meetings and speak up in favor of low-income housing, group homes, shelters, soup kitchens, and homelessness prevention programs.
  • Contact your leaders: Offer first hand accounts of homelessness and poverty. Ask government officials to  stop future cuts in essential services. Let them know how poverty and homelessness are impacting your community, and what systems are in place to address it.
  • Get involved with local media: Profile stories relating to the issues of poverty and homelessness in your area. Write editorials when important issues arise in your community.
  • Become more aware of your language: Try to minimize language that refers to people experiencing homelessness and poverty in derogatory ways. By remaining aware and avoiding terms such as “bum”, “transient”, or “the homeless” or “the poor”, we remind ourselves that people who are going through these difficult situations are, in fact, people first.

Reach out: Volunteering your time and reaching out is one of the best ways to learn about poverty and homelessness, and to make a difference in the lives of those who it effects:

  • Work at a shelter or soup kitchen: There’s always something to do.
  • Offer professional skills: Common skillsets needed include secretarial, catering, plumbing, accounting, management, carpentry, public relations, fundraising, legal, medical, dentistry, writing, child care, counseling, tutoring, or mentoring.
  • Share hobbies: Teach people at a shelter or soup kitchen how to do one of your favorite hobbies. Then let them teach you one of theirs.

Educate:  Learn about the root causes of food insecurity, poverty, and homelessness, and teach it to others.
Some sources to start with:

In the Hudson Valley

The Queens Galley is a 501(c)3 not for profit organization that provides awareness, education, relief and prevention of food insecurity in America. In addition to serving three hot, restaurant quality meals a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, The Queens Galley has implemented a variety of programs dedicated to the affordable nutritional education of children, families and seniors. Because the Queens Galley does not require “proof of need” to be presented in order for a person to receive a meal, they are ineligible for government funding, and subsist solely on donations. Click here to help them continue to provide this vital service.

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Oliver Keyes on Phillip Roth and Wikipedia: Verifiably Awesome.

I know I’ve been lax on writing my own stuff lately. There’s a lot going on right now, and it’s been difficult for me to process and sort through much else as a result. You’ll have to bear with me for just a bit longer. Fortunately, I’ve got some amazing friends like Oliver Keyes who are staying on top of things. Apparently, while I’ve been out of sorts, author Phillip Roth published an open letter in The New Yorker, directed at Wikipedia, because he disagreed with some information that was published in the Wikipedia article about his book, The Human Stain.

Full disclosure: Oliver works for the Wikimedia Foundation, so he’s got a very unique insight into how Wikipedia *actually* works. Oliver also has a fricking biting sense of humor. He combined these attributes to create a wonderfully scathing response that manages to:

  • Both call out and tear to shreds the egotistical whining of an a writer who seems to have a distorted sense of entitlement
  • Explain in a very clear and precise manner not only how Wikipedia works, but why it works that way
  • Call attention to the severe deficiencies present in the field of journalism and media, and urge us all to demand more from the agencies we rely on for factual information

Not to mention that the post includes one of the most beautiful unintended (by Oliver’s own admission. Believe you me, Oliver proudly takes credit for any intended snark.) double entendres I have ever seen. You know the one I’m talking about.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the top 3 excerpts from “Phillip Roth and Wikipedia” that had me fist-pumping, yelling “yeah”, and sending Oliver virtual pan-Atlantic high-fives:

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