Monthly Archives: August 2010

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Day 3-The Sickness

I stayed home from work today, and spent pretty much the entire day in bed, with inflammation surging throughout my body. For the first part of the day, that was accompanied by chills and general stomach illness. For the second half of the day, it came with a fever. In fact, I ventured out at one point in the afternoon to get something to eat, and to pick up some precision screwdrivers for A. When I got out of the car, I was so hot that my SHINS were sweating. Ugh.
Out Sick

I had emailed my supervisor to let her know what’s going on. Her immediate response was “Do you have Lyme?!”
My cousin Eric, who was diagnosed with chronic Lyme over a year ago, says that my symptoms and history scream Lyme to him.
It isn’t really something that I want to hear, because I know what a difficult road it is to go down. Hell, even getting a proper diagnosis is next to impossible.

I had a negative ELISA test a few months ago…Many people with late stage Lyme test negative on ELISA, though, so it doesn’t really mean anything to me. Unfortunately, many doctors refuse to test further if the ELISA comes back negative. I’m going to have to be persistent, and REQUIRE that the doctor order a Western Blot. I’m not looking forward to fighting with the doctor, especially since I’m currently uninsured, and owe the doctor money.
At the same time, I’m terrified to really let things go, because I don’t want a future that involves severe neurological damage. I *LIKE* being able to see, to walk…and contrary to popular belief, I actually like having the option of getting out of bed in the morning.

It frustrates the hell out of me that this is even an issue. That I should have to think about money, and weigh my finances over my health. That I’m thinking about the fact that I might not be ABLE to get better, because I may not be able to afford treatment. There’s something really wrong with our society if we’re valuing the lives of the rich over those of the poor. By not having equally accessible healthcare, that’s exactly what we’re saying. You don’t DESERVE to be well, because you don’t have enough money.

I could take it even futher…think about the fact that the poor are usually the hardest working people in the country. They’re the ones with the hazardous, difficult jobs that no one else wants. They’re sleep deprived and malnourished, making themselves more prone to injury and disease. It’s infuriating.

While I’m concerned with my own health, my father is in the hospital. Candy had a colonoscopy this morning, and though the procedure went well, she was coughing a lot during and after. This afternoon, she had a migraine, and spiked a 103 degree fever. She was also complaining of pain in her back. She went to the ER, and they ran some tests. The doctors seem to think that she may have quick-onset aspirational pneumonia. Candy was recently diagnosed with GERD, so the doctors think she may have inhaled some stomach acid while she was unconscious during the colonoscopy. They’ve admitted her to the hospital for observation. Last I talked to her partner, Kathy, Candy’s fever had dropped to 101. The doctors had administered medication for the migraine, and were giving her a few different antibiotics.

I’m frustrated and upset and feeling pretty helpless. It might be a little different if my siblings were here…but they’re not. None of my family is anymore…it’s just me and my dad. I wanted to go to the hospital, but considering I’ve been sick myself, I didn’t know if it was a good idea. There isn’t anything I could have done while they were in the ER anyway, and I didn’t find out that they were admitting Candy until after visiting hours were already over.

I wish A. were home, just so I’d have someone to talk to. He probably wouldn’t be much help though…he’s so damn practical that he really isn’t good at offering comfort. Still, it’d be nice to have him here right now.

I don’t really have much else to say at the moment. I’m going to try and rest up and hope that I feel well enough to go to work in the morning.

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Lazy Sunday and My Love-Hate Relationship with Michael Cera

It’s the day after my birthday. I spent last night laying in bed watching comedy on Netflix. First, I watched Jo Koy: Don’t Make Him Angry. Let me tell you, that man made me feel damn good about being a woman. If no one else appreciates what I’ve got, at least Jo Koy does. Maybe I should send him a thank you note.Jo Koy
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Happy Birthday

It’s my birthday. Well, for 3 more minutes, anyway. I didn’t really do much…just met up with a few friends earlier to eat pizza and ice cream cake, and watch Street Fighter. The movie, if it can be called that, was pretty painful, despite a great performance by the late Raul Julia. Jean Claude Van Damme typically makes me nauseous anyway, so I wasn’t expecting too much.

I’m not one for big plans, so the whole birthday thing usually goes by pretty quietly. This year, I got three birthday cards…one that Mike bought when I took him to the pharmacy the other day, and two from the LDS church (one from the bishopric, and one from the relief society).  I received something like 13 comments on my Facebook wall, mostly from family members. The birthday cake was the highlight of my day. It was the one thing that I wanted that someone else could easily give me.

I sort of wish that things went differently. That I was more into parties, and organizing things, and being very energetic and social.

The truth is, I’ve spent most of the last week in bed, exhausted and in pain from inflammation in my joints. Parties are never really my thing. I’d rather stay at home and relax, and watch a movie.

Still, it’s nice to be acknowledged…to feel special.

I woke up this morning to A. looking at me. He tapped my nose and smiled. “You’ve aged…”, he said.

I came home tonight to find the apartment empty. A and M are off at a birthday party for another friend of theirs. I kind of wish there had been a bigger deal made over MY birthday…but at the same time, I like things low-key. I suppose I can’t really have my cake and eat it too, huh?

So I’m 28. I’m just now starting to feel like my life is remotely on track, after the last few tumultuous years. Still, there’s an awful lot ahead of me. I feel like there’s quite a bit that I need yet, in order to be fully satisfied.

It’s strange, being 28. I’ve lived as long as my maternal grandfather. In another 28 years, I’ll be two years older than my mother was when she passed away. I could joke that I’m having a midlife crisis, but it’s a little scary when that very well could be true.

I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen. There’s quite a bit on my mind, though. I’m planning on writing on a regular basis, so you’ll be able to discover things as I go along. It’s an experiment that I’m looking forward to. We’ll see how it goes.