I stayed home from work today, and spent pretty much the entire day in bed, with inflammation surging throughout my body. For the first part of the day, that was accompanied by chills and general stomach illness. For the second half of the day, it came with a fever. In fact, I ventured out at one point in the afternoon to get something to eat, and to pick up some precision screwdrivers for A. When I got out of the car, I was so hot that my SHINS were sweating. Ugh.

I had emailed my supervisor to let her know what’s going on. Her immediate response was “Do you have Lyme?!”
My cousin Eric, who was diagnosed with chronic Lyme over a year ago, says that my symptoms and history scream Lyme to him.
It isn’t really something that I want to hear, because I know what a difficult road it is to go down. Hell, even getting a proper diagnosis is next to impossible.

I had a negative ELISA test a few months ago…Many people with late stage Lyme test negative on ELISA, though, so it doesn’t really mean anything to me. Unfortunately, many doctors refuse to test further if the ELISA comes back negative. I’m going to have to be persistent, and REQUIRE that the doctor order a Western Blot. I’m not looking forward to fighting with the doctor, especially since I’m currently uninsured, and owe the doctor money.
At the same time, I’m terrified to really let things go, because I don’t want a future that involves severe neurological damage. I *LIKE* being able to see, to walk…and contrary to popular belief, I actually like having the option of getting out of bed in the morning.

It frustrates the hell out of me that this is even an issue. That I should have to think about money, and weigh my finances over my health. That I’m thinking about the fact that I might not be ABLE to get better, because I may not be able to afford treatment. There’s something really wrong with our society if we’re valuing the lives of the rich over those of the poor. By not having equally accessible healthcare, that’s exactly what we’re saying. You don’t DESERVE to be well, because you don’t have enough money.

I could take it even futher…think about the fact that the poor are usually the hardest working people in the country. They’re the ones with the hazardous, difficult jobs that no one else wants. They’re sleep deprived and malnourished, making themselves more prone to injury and disease. It’s infuriating.

While I’m concerned with my own health, my father is in the hospital. Candy had a colonoscopy this morning, and though the procedure went well, she was coughing a lot during and after. This afternoon, she had a migraine, and spiked a 103 degree fever. She was also complaining of pain in her back. She went to the ER, and they ran some tests. The doctors seem to think that she may have quick-onset aspirational pneumonia. Candy was recently diagnosed with GERD, so the doctors think she may have inhaled some stomach acid while she was unconscious during the colonoscopy. They’ve admitted her to the hospital for observation. Last I talked to her partner, Kathy, Candy’s fever had dropped to 101. The doctors had administered medication for the migraine, and were giving her a few different antibiotics.

I’m frustrated and upset and feeling pretty helpless. It might be a little different if my siblings were here…but they’re not. None of my family is anymore…it’s just me and my dad. I wanted to go to the hospital, but considering I’ve been sick myself, I didn’t know if it was a good idea. There isn’t anything I could have done while they were in the ER anyway, and I didn’t find out that they were admitting Candy until after visiting hours were already over.

I wish A. were home, just so I’d have someone to talk to. He probably wouldn’t be much help though…he’s so damn practical that he really isn’t good at offering comfort. Still, it’d be nice to have him here right now.

I don’t really have much else to say at the moment. I’m going to try and rest up and hope that I feel well enough to go to work in the morning.