Tag Archives: conversation

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Talking About Tragedy

[Image: Michelle McLoughlin/Reuters]

[Image: Michelle McLoughlin/Reuters]

Thinking about the events that occurred in Newtown, CT today, less than 75 miles from my home, I can barely begin to articulate the complex emotions I’ve experienced.
We’re just starting to piece together the facts about this tragedy.
I think it will be awhile before we, as a collective whole, emerge from the emotional shock that has left most of us simultaneously numb and reeling.

One thing I can say for certain, though, is this:
Now is not the time to let this go.

Many have suggested that there needs to be a “cooling off” period.
That it’s somehow disrespectful to engage in a national discourse about some of the root issues behind this atrocity while people are grieving.

I used to agree.

I used to think that those of us not immediately impacted by tragic events needed to stand back; to abandon conversations about the larger issues in order to reflect on the lives lost in a reverent silence.

Now, I think otherwise.

Now, I believe that in order to demonstrate respect and consideration for the lives lost to unfathomable violence, we must  carry on these conversations. We cannot wait.

Here’s why:

We waited after Columbine…and three months later, there was another shooting. 12 people were killed in Atlanta. We waited again, and another two months later, seven people were killed in Ft. Worth.

In the past two years alone, there have been 11 mass shootings. Let that sink in for a minute.

  • January 8, 2011: 6 killed, 19 total shot in Tucson, AZ
  • September 6, 2011: 5 killed, 12 total shot in Carson City, NV
  • April 2, 2012: 7 killed in Oakland, CA
  • April 6, 2012: 3 killed, 5 total shot in Tulsa, OK
  • May 29, 2012: 5 killed in Seattle, WA
  • July 20, 2012: 12 killed, 58 wounded in Aurora, CO
  • August 5, 2012: 6 killed, 4 others wounded in Oak Creek, WI
  • September 27, 2012: 5 shot, 3 others wounded in Minneapolis, MN
  • December 11, 2012: 2 killed in Clackamas Town Center, OR
  • December 14,2012: at least 27 killed in Newtown, CT

Looking at this list, it’s apparent (to me, at least) that we don’t have TIME to wait. Not if we want to avoid further tragedy. Not if we want to protect human lives

I’m not just talking about gun control, either. We need to look at the big picture, and figure out WHY people are killing in the first place, not just HOW they’re doing it.

Gun regulation/control reform may be one element, but honestly, it’s like trying to dam up a raging river with a box of toothpicks. (I was going to use the bandaid metaphor, but I can’t even bring myself to use that sort of imagery right now.) We need to be looking at comprehensive healthcare reform as well, allowing for increased access to mental health services. We need to implement some sort of support for the people who need it. Our entire society could probably use some sort of overhaul, because we’re obviously missing some important warning signs.

This isn’t about political posturing. This isn’t about furthering personal interests. This is about preserving human life and well-being. Without that, what the hell does anything else even matter?

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Rape and Responsibility

It’s 1am, and I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep, though, until I get a few things off my chest.

If you know me IRL (and, perhaps, if you don’t), you may have witnessed a particularly uhm, lively post on my Facebook wall this evening. In case you missed it, I re-posted this image:

screenshot from marxisforbros tumblr

CLICK TO VIEW LARGER

I had thought it was pretty straightforward. The sentiment expressed in marxisforbros‘ response is pretty cut and dry: Women’s clothing should be irrelevant when it comes to rape (or sexual assault, or harassment, etc.).
Needless to say, I did not anticipate the resulting shitstorm. Currently, we’re at 55 comments (and counting).**

I, er, WHAT?? How did it come to this? Why are we debating rape? How is rape even debatable? I thought it was just common sense: rape is bad. Horrible. And that’s a gross understatement. Rape is never, ever, EVER the victim’s fault. To blame the victim is to further victimize them. To assume that rape ever occurs as a result of some action (or inaction on the victim’s part) is a result of sheer ignorance, or unwillingness to acknowledge the truth about rape. I had thought that these people, who I choose to call friends (be it on Facebook, or in the real world) were rather enlightened people. I had assumed that we were of similar minds, at least when it comes to issues like this. So how the hell did we end up with a thread that is 55 comments long, and caused at least two people to seriously question our relationships, and our society as a whole?

I bet you were expecting me to give you an answer, huh? Well, sorry, kids. I ain’t got one. Not this time.

Seriously. I’m confounded. I knew that people thought this way. Hell, I’m a religious follower of STFU, Conservatives, STFU, Sexists , and Cognitive Dissonance…I see posts with this type of insanity all the time. But it’s a little bit different, seeing the blurred avatars on a 13″ screen when you have distance–both geographical and emotional–from the people involved. When you realize that these are people who you know…the very same people you’d be likely to turn to if–god forbid–something were to happen to you…it’s jarring, to say the very least.

I feel sick. I feel sick because people still feel the need to justify rape, even when they don’t know that’s what they’re doing. I’m angry, but not just at some of the people who posted. No, what angers and disturbs me even more is the silence. You see, I currently have 456 friends on Facebook. How many engaged in this conversation? 10? (I don’t feel like counting. I hope you understand.) And of those, how many bothered to support my end of the debate? Yeah. It isn’t that no one agrees with me. I’ve had friends tell me they do, whether it be in a message as a result of this thread, or in some other, independent conversation. Yet their absence here seems profound. My entire point, in the original post, throughout this debate, has been that there is a HUGE freaking problem with the fact that we hold the victim responsible when it comes to rape. As a society, we antagonize those who have already been attacked and abused. The fact that no one wants to speak up in defense; that no one is willing to step forward and challenge this antiquated, sexist ideology kind of punctuates that.

According to a number of studies,  60% of rapes and sexual assaults go unreported. Do you think that the stigma; the fact that so many people look to blame the victim, or immediately assume that any accusations of rape or sexual assault are false might have anything to do with that?

Relevant:

I’m sorry if this post isn’t terribly cohesive. I’m not lying when I say I’m exhausted. This has me completely drained. Before I go to bed and hope for pleasant dreams that have nothing to do with sexual assault or rape apologists, though, I’ve got one last thing to add to the conversation. The best tips I’ve seen to date with regard to how to avoid rape/sexual assault:

Sexual Assault Prevention TipsMull that over for a bit. I need to give my brain a break for a bit.

**My apologies for the choppy screenshots. Whenever I tried to take it all as one piece, I wound up with a bunch of lines either missing, or compressed. You can click on each chunk to make it larger. (And if you know of a good, free screenshot tool, let me know. I’m currently using Screen Capture for Chrome.)
***Although I’ve linked directly to the conversation, my Facebook privacy settings might not let you see it. I’m sorry about that, too, but I don’t feel like changing my settings at the moment.